I can think a lot ▬ to the point of being distracted from that which I am doing.
Sometimes I may be erroneous ▬ I don’t know. But many a times I am tired with myself and feel that I do not know what to do. I guess fatigue is a normal human emotion and we all have been there. I just don’t know how many times I have bee there. At times it is more peskier than anything I can relate too. It has a spatial arena and a psychic one and maybe something that intermeshes with the physical too.
I guess that one can feel those things, or do thinking of them an exclusive quality? Maybe not. I bet a lot of people think of these things and maybe they find their own solutions.
I started reading some books. I love reading books. But lately, at times I don’t feel like reading them. I get restless and I feel I don’t wanna do the regular things I do. Which is not always a nice thing. I also have a habit of reading both “completely” and “incompletely” ▬ many books at a time.
Sometimes a good friend seems very distant. Sometimes it happens so fast ▬ like a blinking eye ▬ that computing it is confusion; you wonder where the friend have gone. Unfortunately, both intimacy and distance is a part of life ▬ accepting one and not the other feels very unrealistic. But it can still make you feel upset and incoherent. At times it feels that the person you knew has become someone very different and though the only excuse/”reason” they can give is that life is ever-changing or that they had something important to do it leaves you feeling quite unnatural in a natural chemistry you share with that person. Chemistry ▬ chemicals; changing ▬ to invent instabilties and stabilities and any topic/emotion/gesture/phrase/word/sentence/letter can be the catalyst. Oh how frailly strong those chemicals are ▬ making mutability immutable and immutability the mutable. The cycle that rotates and spreads all over produces the dynamic phenomena.
I stood on the roof some days ago. I saw blastocysts of some buildings. I see new buildings. I see open air martyred. I feel a controversial of feeling free yet also that the urban sprawl is depleting everything I once knew. Those feelings may not be important ▬ or, are they? It means I have come to a stage that where I am a “youth” but can talk about my “youth” ▬ in between pupa and other gestations. I guess what I want is the world I had grew up with. Not the minimization of technology though I would not completely mind that but rather a more freer space. I almost trip. There is a girl. We both smile at my almost accident. It was nice to have a human connection. Yet as a modernist romantic we might pine for more ▬ as my professor stated that Frost knew that going through those woods that snowy evening meant also alienation from a sort of community that once was there; so innately and seemingly gone just as innately [hmmm, maybe I should be reading more modernism and postmodernism ▬ I love those “genres” of thought] ▬ but I felt satisfied too. Reminiscing on what was where in youth and seeing my Dadu before coming up [she lives there on the roof but I was basically standing on top of her house]
I wonder where I might end up ▬ Only Allah Almighty can tell. At this moment I am just suspended in air or earth ▬ watching a herd of clouds pass by…